What am I?
Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Who am I?” It’s considered a good question, but is it? It has its merits, only because it helps you to avoid the real question of, “What am I?”
Have you really considered what you really value, or if in fact has what you value has any actual or real value at all?
So what do you value? “Honesty”, you may say. Are you really honest, especially with yourself, which is where real honesty begins? When did you ever take a real good look at yourself? Yesterday, or maybe last year, or maybe never? Perhaps you’re perfect in the eyes of your own mind, but are you?
Did you ever consider whether you’re a kind person or not? Are you humane? Sincere? Loyal? Diligent in your purpose? But then again, what is your purpose, or do you actually have one?
Perhaps you are one of those people who keep your head down and just wander aimlessly through your existence? Maybe you are a coat tail rider: riding on the coat tails of the few, who stick their necks out, with all effort, in order to make your life better? Then whose coat tails are your riding on, and are they genuine in their efforts on your behalf? Maybe their purpose is self-generated, self-centred? So what happens when their coat tails rip apart, and you’re left sitting in their dust, with their dust becoming mud when it starts raining, and you’re just covered in the mud of your own self-deception?
What can you use within yourself to judge with? Nothing, except your own honesty within yourself, that leads you to judge your existence and to judge others. It’s so nice when your car is bigger than your neighbour’s? So nice to show that you have more than others and there are always others down on their luck. But not you: after all, you are a success in life, or so you think.
Do you look at your car and envy others with a bigger or newer one? It spurs you on to greater things – bigger debts maybe? But you appear to be doing well; and that’s what matters: appearances; but what’s the price? Are you really a great guy or girl, when you can’t look at yourself in the cold light of reason, because you’re too busy looking at others?
So what do you judge yourself to be? Successful? Even clever, perhaps? Then maybe you’re only cunning, a cute guy working the odds, fooling everyone? Perhaps you’re a sharp operator, waiting for someone to fall down the glorious ladder a bit, so you can get what they have cheaply? Maybe you’re the sort of person who wouldn’t sell their hen on a wet day? So have you taken a second look yet, and if not why not? Afraid of what you’ll find?
Are you a believer; and if so, what do you believe? That there’s a god that loves you perhaps? Maybe you only believe this, because no one else would be so foolish? After all, he can’t deny you, can he? Then why do you blindly believe, and not look further? Perhaps truth would be too hard to live with, especially when you’re judging yourself?
Do you cheat; and worst of all, are you cheating yourself?
Do you consider your own well-being firstly?
How do you want to be seen by your fellow man?
How do you want to feel about yourself, or maybe you don’t care?
When you’re judged by others, what do you want them to see and know about you? And, will he or she be right? What yardstick will they use?
Do you have a yardstick; and is it a straight one, slightly bent, or crooked? Think about it.
Bob Crosbie © 23/10/15
